april 30, 2008
dream date is in diet soap #2. dream date is overextending itself. this is the official end of dream date's world tour. good job, dream date.

april 29, 2008
my friend william schultz made a website. i'm extremely and sincerely proud of him.

april 21, 2008
i've been given oulipean affirmation kinda and italo calvino asked me out on a date. should i wear something?

april 15, 2008
kevin sampsell is jesus to me. i fucking love him and he fuckin loves me. why don't you go cry about it.
come to my reading or i'll swear in front of your mother.

april 12, 2008
come to my reading this wednesday. i'll deeply move you. details here.
also i havesomething at zygote
also i recently ruined the drunk blog. sorry. (i'm apologizing to everyone, but kendra specifically, because she invited me to write there, and this makes her look bad)
also i need to find some way to be ryan downey, or find some other way to get credit for the google song, which i think is the most amazing/amusing thing i've seen on the internet in at least three weeks.

april 4, 2008
new drawings : )

march 25, 2008
blake butler is my hero because he seems to like me and thinks i should not die.
I am definitely going to start using him as my emergency contact. he's homeless, though.

march 23, 2008
my story mcdonald's is impossible is in no posit vol 1. other things are good besides just me on there, you know, too. huh?

march 17, 2008
this is stupid i love you

march 15, 2008
there are new interviews up in the personal questions section of this website. 'up' as in 'posted,' not like 'erect.' not everything is a sexual innuendo, you know.

march 3, 2008
dream date is on pequin and nothing else in the world has changed today.

february 24, 2008
did somebody say something? i feel like somebody said something and is now afraid to say it again because i'm making a big deal out of it. grow up.

february 19, 2008
take me to the future!

february 11, 2008
beeswax #4 is finally a part of the physical world. oh plus, oh baby, lamination colony have my baby call me mommy etc

january 29, 2008
brandon scott gorrell is the new best sliced thing since bread. his blog will crack your life open like a coconut and then you will eat what's inside and start over. i've already done it four times.

december 5, 2007
"fifty ways to make a very slow buck with babies" and other cute synopses. adorable.

december 5, 2007
i just inherited 50,000 condoms. when i first found out, i for some reason heard '50,000 condiments' and made this comment about a potential hot dog party which turned into kind of an awkward situation.

november 26, 2007
buy my chapbooks.

november 12, 2007
yeah, dream date is out on chapbook, but if you're not one of my favorite 10 people, you can dream on. unless i fall in love with you. which i probably will.

november 4, 2007
i'll be reading for hear/say on thursday, nov 15 in macky hall (CCA oakland) at 7pm. i'll be reading from a series of mine called dream date, which means things will be getting pretty sexy. bring your hot single selves.

october 26, 2007
33% of all the email angelbaby received today is hate mail. now i'm so sad and can't stop crying and everything. i wish i wasn't such an "ass hol."

october 21, 2007
it's time to preorder beeswax #4. you're lucky i'm here doing all the thinking for you, dummy.

october 15, 2007
speaking of i $ you, too bad you didn't get a free zine while you could. now you can buy one at modern times books, dog-eared books and needles and pens in san francisco, as well as oakland's own issues if you're gangsta. get this shit while it still stinks.

september 18, 2007
i $ you is in zine form and free at the north/south gallery. get that < 300 limited edition copy worth abuncha money. act now or you may end up with one that has a less-than-admirable staple job. act before now, which was last night, and you can help me put them together, which is a good way to get on my good side.

september 17, 2007
mike topp is the only person aside from me who makes sense. he gave me a free copy of a book i already bought and thought was ok.

september, 11, 2007
i would like to encourage everyone who has found this website with search strings like "ganesha"and "inseminated by a black man" to keep being effing weirdos. But how come no one types in "sporty abortion" or "you taste like gravy, hey baby"??

spetember 10, 2007
the inappropriate is being published in the next issue of oakland's no-nonsense, mind-your-stews-and-queues lit mag beeswax. geez, what an honor. buy many copies at many local book stores.

august 25, 2007
i had such an awesome partay night last night. me and william and job drank a little of the lot and paid a cover charge somewhere and talked to each other all night. then we came home and they said i could play whatever television show i wanted. NOT!

august 3, 2007
i ate some fancy chocolate yesterday, to induce lucid dreaming, but the only thing that happened was i had a bunch of dreams that my high school friends were making out with my college friends. and in my dreams i kept exclaiming things like "oh brother!" and i woke up feeling really bored.

july 16, 2007
congratulations! today is the one year anniversary of my graduation from those awkward teen years!

june 24, 2007
my dear friend shannon shaw has recently acquired a web address, shannonshaw.net, and i don't have the motivation to update my geniuses page. so stop being so lazy and access it from here! also, my other dear friend melissa sachs has purchased a web site for herself, melissa-sachs.com, and it is also bound to be special once she starts making it.

june 23, 2007
haha! email my secretary angelbaby_2002, she gets paid to read whatever you send her! haha! what a slut!

june 22, 2007
fact: the average genius browses jerkethics.com ten times every year, in his sleep, and never even realizes it.
fact: portland inspired me to be a little less paranoid/reserved. i am now able to take showers fully nude.

june 5, 2007
chelseajerk.com has changed to jerkethics.com. i apologize for the inconvenience of having to remember sucha shitty web address. and for forgetting everyone's sun signs. they were in this journal i kept but i lost it somehow and now i can't remember the qualities and nuances of your personality and how they affect our compatibilty and that makes interaction really hard so i'm gonna have to redo our charts but maybe we can start by you emailing me your sun sign again?

may 18, 2007
lindsay lohan themed partay tonight, my house, shannon& clams to cover 'that girl' no sneak previews sorry

april 29, 2007
i am now an author on carriagereturn.net. also i can beat you up.

april 25, 2007
The Inappropriate out on book.

april 21, 2007
(update) actually i think you guys are just okay. like i would hang out with you and give you some pastries if i had any, but i wouldn't adopt your kids if you died. let's keep this an impersonal, business-like relationship, ok? i don't want to be tricked into any bff bullcrap.

march 25, 2007
thankyou melissa, max, ian, dylan & william.
i like you guys a lot.

march 14, 2007
i've got a date: april 16, 2008.
be there or be disappointed in.

march 1, 2007
i'll be doing a reading tonight at my apartment at 1am. just kidding i'll probably be drunk. just kidding i don't feel like drinking tonight. so i'll be reading, feel free to come over. i have a summer sausage that i'm going to cut up and put on the dining table. for everyone. if you're interested.

february 14, 2007
lula preusser is a sister of mine as of last week. i wish i had something valuable to give her, like a gift horse or an oracle.

january 30, 2007
if you're stalking me, you're doing a pretty good job, cos i can't even tell.

january 17, 2007
the wet dream drop-cloth is in the other side of beauty show? tonight? ok? i might not be there..?

january 9, 2007
i'd like to give a shout out to lauren cohen, who made me realize that i can just eat apples instead of brushing my teeth.

november 16, 2006
how are you?

november 5, 2006
south dakota for pre-christmas. what, it counts.